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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the content we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?